We’ve just had our first reported “<insert kid name> says she doesn’t want to be my friend anymore, Mummy.” And I said that silly thing, “oh, but you have lots of other friends, Oliver”. Just dismissed it. After all, he’s only 4. After all, she’s kind of a bad influence on him (not in a smoking outside the shed kind of way or anything, but just that she’s got an older sister and she just seems…a lot older than she is). But really, his heart is probably broken a little bit. Just like mine would be.
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I am beginning to hate the word ‘club’.
Main Entry: 1club
Function: nounUsage: often attributiveEtymology: Middle English clubbe, from Old Norse klubba; akin to Old High German kolbo clubDate: 13th century</snip>…
3 a : an association of persons for some common object usually jointly supported and meeting periodically; also : a group identified by some common characteristic <nations in the nuclear club> b : the meeting place of a club <lunch at the club> c : an association of persons participating in a plan by which they agree to make regular payments or purchases in order to secure some advantage
I mean, I shouldn’t. It’s an innocent word. But I guess sometimes it’s the word that’s used where people associate for a common purpose, to the exclusion of others. Which is great, if you’re invited to the club or invited to the cool party, or asked to come into the secret hiding spot at recess. Maybe it’s not so cool if you tell everyone where you are and what cool things you’re doing and what neat people you’re hanging out with, if everyone isn’t invited? Maybe? Or I am just seriously sensitive? And envious? Because part of my brain is still in high school and still wants to be one of the cool kids.
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I am trying to teach Oliver to keep secrets. Little tiny secrets from his brother. Secrets of omission. Because sometimes he’s going to be able to do things that Callum can’t do. Or sometimes he stays awake just a bit later than Callum to get his homework done. I don’t think he needs to share everything he does with him. Particularly if it’s going to make his brother feel bad.
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I think I probably feel badly about things too often. And I think I’d like to protect my kids from that. And, maybe, the whole world from that.
Should we start a club? Should we invite everyone?
March 8th 2010 at 8:50 pm
I try not to think of it as being in or out of a club, but, as my mother told me, many times, you can’t dance at every party.
Besides, does this mean you’re not going to write one little thing about BlogHer this year? Hope it doesn’t.
March 8th 2010 at 8:54 pm
True – but with BlogHer, anyone can go. Anyone can buy a ticket. I know there are some people that don’t want to hear about it – but at least they made a choice, whether that choice was by economics or childcare or whatever.
And I was aware of that when I was there last year – I really do try hard not to flaunt things like that. I think I’m being sensitive because I feel like something was ‘flaunted’ in the last couple of days. Without naming names.
March 8th 2010 at 9:43 pm
I’m not going to BlogHer and I don’t mind if you talk about it. Part of me wants to know what I’m missing. (The other part of me is bummed that I don’t have my shit together enough to go myself, but whatever.)
As for other, more flaunted clubs, I think that the cool kids in high school were usually self-appointed. So were the not-so-cool kids. While I can’t say what the cool kids did, I do know that this not-so-cool kid did a lot of trash-talking. Not so classy, or so cool. Sadly these cliques seem to carry on to adult life. Which explains why high school reunions usually suck.
March 9th 2010 at 12:02 am
My daughter’s started dealing with this with a few of her kindergarten friends. She comes home sometimes and tells me that so-and-so didn’t want to include her in their games. Like you, I have to catch myself when the words I say to try to cheer her up actually serve to minimize what she’s going through. It’s funny–we all went through this stuff when we were kids, yet the experience doesn’t really help us find just the right thing to say to make it all better for our kids.
I don’t mind hearing about BlogHer, even though I’ve never managed to go. Like you said, anyone can go if they can manage to pull together the funds and the babysitting. It doesn’t have that “popularity contest” element that makes you feel slighted to be on the outside looking in.
March 9th 2010 at 4:42 pm
EmmaLou you WERE one of the cool kids my friend.
HOMEWORK? and what the hell is this “BlogHer” everyone is speaking of??
And you and me belong to the two boys club!
March 10th 2010 at 11:42 pm
High school is probably the best microcosmic representation (does that make sense?) of life. It’s just the way human beings are. By the time we’re adults we hopefully recognize these parts of humanity that we don’t like and transcend them, attempt not to care when we’re not part of the “club,” but it’s futile because we need to be part of the community. It’s a basic human drive…. (I’m tired). So you find the club that you belong in, maybe a few of them. And there will always be those clubs we want to be a part of but aren’t because we aren’t cool enough (or maybe we’re too cool, i.e., in my case — hee, I KID). I say embrace it, and start your OWN
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Whatever clubs are out there, I know that I want to be in a club with you, Darling!